Love and life leads you to some odd places...

Love... We all search for it, give it need it... Love we all breath it. I'm on a journey for love.

I've learned to love myself.I've been patient, I've been kind, I've opened the floodgates.

I ended up at the cemetery. Staring at my grandparents grave, closing my eyes. Why did I end up there? As the cool chill of the wind cuts into my cheeks and the warmth of the sun blazes upon my forehead, I feel.

It's time for me to love someone else.

It's a strange journey.

I'm crying in Starbucks...

Laughter is the best medicine... ice cream helps too!

It's an amazing feeling... cracking that small grin that tickles your tummy... Feeling the rumble quakes through your body and then hearing the eruption of noise. Laughter.

I live to laugh, and laugh to live. We already know I cry a lot, but I also laugh a lot too. 

It's Christmas...

In the spirit of Christmas today, I have been sending messages of love and admiration to those I care about. Through my journey this morning I have found myself in tears and reflecting on my emotions. Sometimes it can be scary sharing how you feel with people, but it is something that should always be done.

Through the struggles with my mom it has taught me to realize that the world doesn't tel each other enough how much we love our friends and family. We get sucked in to the grind of work and life duties that we forget to stop and share love. We forget to spread joy.

As I reflect on the year I find myself thinking back to all the times I have focused on friends and family. Times were I have allowed myself to be fully present in the moment. Those are the times I am happiest. I am happiest just being with people, loving people. I'm happy just being my true self.

I am excited to continue my kindness journey in 2014 . I hope I can show others the magic of kindness and continue to make the world a better place.

Feed your soul...

Sometimes I forget how much I need to feed my soul. I thrive on creativity and observing the work of others. I get so distracted sometimes by the daily comings and goings that I remember to eat, but not feed my soul. I also don't realize how starved my soul is until I give it a heaping dose of art, playfullness, creativity and fun.

When I take the time to fuel my needs and focus on things I love, I feel totally refreshed. It's like a reset. I'm reset to just be myself, it's like seeing my true reflection. 

Over the past few weeks I've been feeding my soul. I've been focusing on art and creativity. I've been spending time with people I care about, singing again and just doing what I want when I want.

Through my soul feeding I've learned a few things. One, I need human affection, seriously need it. When you live alone you really are alone. So I've been focusing on hugging more abd interacting more with the people i care about. Two, I love and trust too easily, but I'm okay with it. If I don't allow myself to love, then I'll become bitter and mean. I don't like being mean. Three, I am beautiful, I've been so hard on myself about my body, but eff it. I'm beautiful, I'm awesome. Four, I have really great people in my life, I should tell them mire how much I love them. Five, I'm really happy, truly happy.

Life is an journey, so um just going to ride the train, and see where it takes me. If my soul is hungry I am going to feed it, if my heart is aching I'm going to heal it and if my mind gets clouded I am going to clear it.

It's almost like sleeping. I feel as though I  was taking a nap on myself, but now I have awakened.

Be kind to yourself...

First, I should tell you about miracles... We're still waiting to hear it from the cancer doctor, but it could be that my mom may be cancer free! Her primary care doctor says her scans look that way. I'm excited but am waiting to hear it from her cancer doctor.

I went to the doctor myself today, and was given a whole new list of new medications and the whole spiel about how I need to loose weight. Which I have been trying, I've pretty much cut out sodas from my diet and I am looking in to eating more protein. I shared these things with my doc but I still felt he may be beginning to get frustrated with me. Also when I weighed myself a few days ago I had lost twenty pounds, so if I am retaining twenty pounds of fluid than something might need to be looked at.I'm tired of being in constant pain, and I don't want to start to feellike my pain is nothing. Who knows maybe doc was having a bad day, maybe I was just over thinking his words of wisdom. Either way I felt like a fat, hopeless case when I left.

Needless to say I cried on the phone with my mom. In the midst of my crying I decided to do something for myself. I was reminded I need to be kind to myself. So I called my best friend and asked her to go with me.

I decided I was going to buy something that made me feel pretty. Something to make me feel nice, something to prove to myself that I am beautiful. I bought a dress at target. It was really cute and looked very nice. I say was because well, I took it back. :(

Don't worry though! I took it back because we  went to dress barn next door. I found a better dress for cheaper, and an adorable skirt! The dress made me feel pretty, and skinny and refreshed and the skirt made me feel flirty and fun. Both these items were the same price as the target dress. So I took the target dress back. I also bought myself some music and socks.

I'm glad I decided to treat myself. Sometimes we just need to be kind to ourselves and remember our true selves. I remembered today that I am beautiful no matter what, besides true beauty is really from the soul and I definitely have a lovely soul.


Oh, I also got some more blank cards, so send me some kindness dares! I need some ideas. :)

Miracles happen..

I'll write more later, but you should know that miracles can happy.

You always get what you need when you need it..

I'm a firm believer that you will always get what you need when you need it, even if you don't even know you needed it.

I've had a lot of people come in and out of my life, people always seemed to be coming and going and I never used to understand why so many people would just up and leave, elimintaing our ties of friendship. I would be really hard on myself thinking it was something I did, thinking I wasn't a good person,angry with myself for letting them go. It took me a long time to realize that they were in my life for the purpose they were intended for. Some of them taught me not to care what others think, some of them taught me that friendships/relationships are hard, some of them have taught me how to forgive. With out each of those people I wouldn't be who I am today, I didn't realize those lessons at the time, but reflecting back, I was getting what I needed from each of those experiences. I'm still learning, but I now know every person I meet, every interaction I have now  has a purpose. I can honestly say that right now I am in the place I need to be, even though everything is not all great, it's just were I am supposed to be.

One of my favorite quotes from Helen Keller is:  

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” 

I encourage you to stop looking at your closed doors and search for the open ones. Find peace in something.

I now leave you with a story from our gifting experience last week. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am thankful my friends and I were able to give you hope. Enjoy your bracelets and have a wonderful day!

My nephews, my daughter, and I had received free bracelets from you and you gave me a dare...

It said to call someone that I haven't talked to in a long time, and tell you how it went.
I called a few people, that I am trying to forgive, because I need them back in my life, but no answers or response.
Then I remembered your name. Michelle.
My friend Michelle passed away about two years ago.
She died of Heart failure at age 41. She had the heart of an angel and wished I could call her in Heaven.

I truly miss her. She was a ditsy blonde with blue blue eyes. She was missing front teeth, but her smile always had a glow.
She cheered me on 5 years ago when I had Breast Cancer. We always bought each other little gifts. She loved Flip-Flops,
so I purchased many things for her. She always bought me Pink Ribbon things. I keep one of them on my key chain.

I often wonder how our friendship would have grown had she not left us...her son, who is 20, won't be going thru the struggle that he is going thru now.
I reach out to him, but I remind him of his mom, and he backs up a bit. I pray of him, for her sake. She is watching over him, but he is still pissed.
I understand him as I lost my mother at age 22. I am now 42. I have come to accept that I cannot change what happened.
To live in Peace with what has happened, and to move onwards to help as many people as I can.

I keep by FB stream clean, sort of. I love to Laugh, so I post many silly things. Other than that, it is all Inspiration quotes, and beautiful pictures of nature and animals.
It soothes my tensed nerves and brings me hope every day.

Thank You Michelle, for what you do.
You give me HOPE that there are still amazing Human Beings that care for people!
Please keep up your great work!.
If you need my help, please contact me any time!